Down and Out in Unemployment Blues

In today’s world, the way people are being viewed by employers is changing rapidly. The ‘person’ in personnel is being omitted. Employers are loosing the human factor in their recruiting practices, especially in the blue collar and lower management and general job categories. With more of us in the work force and most of those being in the 18-30 year old range, the competition to land a job is tougher now than ever before. Employers are more likely to downsize or fire people easier than in past decades. If you go out and apply for a job today, regardless of how old you are or what work experience you have-be prepared! It will be an exhausting search, and a long one for many people. The big question remains in my mind is….”what are employers really looking for? This inquiring mind wants to know.

Before I plowed ahead into the languid sea of employment opportunity I thought it best to investigate some of the tools currently available for successfully landing that dream job. All the experts say that these are the things to have and do in order to get the job you want. Since so many changes have taken place in our modern world, I would have to update myself in the protocol required when looking for a job. I went first to the INTERNET. Four million of us turned to the Internet (A 33% increase since 2000), when initially beginning a job search. The Internet offers a plethora of information and examples on preparing yourself for an interview and how to have a fabulous resume in hand when you get there. On the Internet I could post my resume to thousands of prospective employers. Hummmmm. It seemed all I needed then was a great resume, having brushed up on my interview etiquette and the job was mine. Or so the story should go…………

I then decided to take the plunge and try and secure a position by applying in person. There were plenty of ‘help wanted’ signs posted in windows and doorways around town. I had polished up my resume making sure it was just right. Giving pertinent information for my prospective employer to see. Off I went then….bravely, confidently, dressed to kill with trusty resume in hand. I went to local businesses I felt qualified to work for in malls, strip centers, chain stores and offices. I also went to new businesses, hotels and restaurants opening up in my area. I diligently continued on, resume in hand. After going into a few dozen places to apply, I started wondering where this resume myth had come from. As you may have already guessed, I spent
a-l-o-t of time filling out that same generic job application for each place and receiving the same response over and over. “We’ll review it and call you.” If you apply in person (which many businesses request that you do), you are instantly handed this generic job application form and the person handing you the application insists that you fill out every little crevice, which is of course “their policy” whether you have a resume or not. Why do they need to know where I went to grade school? Do I really need to put down hobbies and civic activities? It made me wonder why I had spent hours on the resume at all. No one seemed interested in it. This was the norm when I went out time after time. It wasn’t long before my enthusiasm started to wear thin. I wanted to know what was wrong with looking at the resume first, then, if you were being considered for an interview or a job, asking you to fill out the appropriate form (this for those who DO have a resume). I surmised, contrary to popular belief that the resume is not your general calling card and will not necessarily get you through the door for an interview.

Not being one to be easily discouraged, I continued my quest. This time I scoured the want ads, both in the local paper and online classified as well through various employment websites. I hoped this would save me some time from going around from place to place. At least I knew these employers were hiring because they had placed a help wanted ad. I applied to many of the positions, faxing my resume to them (ohhh, so this is what the resume is for?) I wondered who these companies were that I was floating my resume out to. How many thousands of other resumes would end up on top of it? Would they even take the time to look at mine? Most of the ads did not say the name of the company, where it was located, or even who to address it to-just a fax number to send it to. I secretly hoped that I would become selected out of the thousands of resumes received, so that the HR manager could actually connect a face to the fact and call me in for an interview. I waited by the phone like a Pavlov’s dog, waiting for a chance to interview! So far, I have watched a lot of daytime TV! I quickly learned to let the answering machine do the waiting after that.

Another popular option for employers today is the job fair. This enables several companies or large companies to “bulk interview” This, I suspect, is another way employers have learned to cut both time and costs by prescreening applicants, inspecting us like a bunch of cattle looking for those who make the cut and those who don’t. These job fairs are always cheerfully manned by overly happy personnel people! I often wonder if these people are just clones from the shows ET, Access Hollywood or the local news station? They just seem too happy doing their job. However, since my job search was whittling down to a rationed level, I decided I was going to have to attend a few job fairs. One job fair I went to was for a well known airline. The HR people rambled on vaguely about the job description, but gave a lot of PR bull about how great this company was to work for. We were all asked to stand up, give our names and tell a little bit about ourselves in 2 minutes or less. There had to be at least 50 people in the room at the time. Afterward, names were called of the people who were to be considered for further interviews and the rest of us could leave. I had serious flashbacks of being back in school and not being picked for the team. Talk about not making the cut! But….there’s more!!! Another group interview I attended was for a large upscale department store. Most of us were applying for a sales position. I was also applying for a position in gift wrap. Individually, but in front of everyone else, we were asked to give our versions of what we though a good sales person should be. Those happy personnel people must delight somehow in putting everyone on the spot. We gleefully gave our definitions of good salesmanship hoping we would be saying the right things and be chosen for the job. I felt my own individuality slipping away as I heard those contrived answers coming from everyone’s mouth. What could I possibly say that was different after six other people had already spoken?

Once you actually get an interview, companies will have scripted questions they will ask you. Some of them will pertain to the specific job position you are applying for, but most of the jobs I applied for, the questions they asked me did not pertain to the job. I wondered if I wasn’t auditioning for a part in a movie, rather than interviewing for a job. Despite the many ridiculous and nothing to do with the job questions you get asked, my absolute take the cake Nobel Prize winners are the companies that use the computer application to determine if you are hirable at all. This is a test that you take before you are allowed through the golden doors of the personnel office to the real live human personnel people! This test will really push your buttons and get you going, no matter how much of a happy, positive and determined to succeed person you might be. This one will stick you like a burr under your saddle. Sure, it sounds efficient enough for today’s busy computerized world, but this test isn’t just about typing in your information. They want you p-e-r-s-o-n-a-l get into your head information. Seriously, the computer application not only “rates and scores” you, but will kick your butt to the curb like a bent up old IBM card if you don’t produce the right score with your answers. This whole job search was now becoming reminiscent of the TV show Big Brother 6. I cannot imagine anyone answering these questions in a negative manner but the test is so psychologically generalized you still endure 20 grueling minutes of a pretzel twisting, 46 question personality test. Some questions do not allow a neutral answer. Talk about frustrating!
I felt like I should have been applying to the FBI. I am surprised that I wasn’t asked on the application if I inhaled! I took five of these such tests. For one company, a nationwide retail department store, I went through the entire process for “any” miscellaneous job only to be informed by the computer at the end that I did not rate for ANY job in their company not even a janitor position!! Now that boosted my confidence and self esteem alright!! Another place I applied I also took a 45 minute computer application, which wanted the last three addresses I had lived at as well as the name of my landlord. I wasn’t applying for a loan, just a minimum wage job at a video store. I though the help wanted sign was at the ‘Blockbuster’ not the pre-screening room for a nuclear testing bunker!!

At this point, I was becoming a little discouraged, having done everything possible to be ones of today’s savvy job applicants and not landing a job, let alone that dream job I had been lead to believe was out there. I often did follow up calls like all the experts suggest, and even sent a thank you note or two. So why hadn’t I been snatched up for the charming and creative person I was? I wondered whatever happened to just calling an employer for a prospective job, talking over the phone briefly some of the surface points of the job in order for both you and the employer to weed out unlikely candidates, then making an appointment for an interview? Isn’t that what those happy personnel people are hired to do? Screen people? Back in the old days, that use to be a common practice with employers. Well, it isn’t that way anymore. Nowadays, a lot of employers still put ads in the paper but seem to neither have the time or the interest in speaking to people in person. And does every job applicant have to be humiliated and be subjected to a humiliating drug screening, or background and credit check before we are offered a interview? Are we now going to be a society that judges, brands and rejects solely on the basis of our answers to a computer test? Nowadays, it seems you need the right ‘look’, the right ‘rated’ personality, and the to the letter right qualifications. Not to mention being in the right place at the right time. If your points don’t ad up you aren’t going to get past the receptionist. The whole process of securing a job in today’s world has become like American Idol TV show where every avenue of your talent and personality is scrutinized down to the microscopic level in order for you to win. Except your not winning a million dollar contract here, you are just trying to win a job. The ratio of competition and credibility has crept too far into the minds of HR personnel and it has become unbalanced. There is an abundance of talented people out there. Lots of people enjoy working and want to do a good job. Are those good people really given a fair chance? Or has the other percentage of slackers now determined the standards for everyone from an employer’s perspective?

So keep in mind what you may be up against next time you go job hunting, especially if you are not just fresh out of college and have a good amount of experience behind you. Hopefully, when you land that dream job you won’t be subjected to an economic layoff, a nasty boss who has it out for you, or cutthroat fellow employees. Instead, you will have what has been promised to you for all your hard work, that dream job of being happily employed in something you love doing. Is there such a thing in today’s world?

Better Get The Breakdown Squad Out

I have definitely lost the spark that once resided within me, I can barely remember what it is like to get really excited and jazzed up about something. The gap between my divine essence and my everyday conscious existence is so wide I can no longer see the other side of it. It shouldn’t be like that, but that’s what this backwards planet does to you. The good news is that I have survived and I am still here. The bad news is my light is dim and my essence of love and kindness is drained from the constant battle of life. I feel like Krisna’s Ajuna, constantly feeling in the dark about which way he should turn in life and seeking guidance for the confusion and ignorance that being in the human body entails. But at least with Arjuna, Krisna is for the most part by his side guiding him along. Can’t say that I’m so lucky, and sorry, though I am graced in many respects, there’s no Krishna at my side. In fact it’s the opposite. I seem to be walking around these days with only a constant sigh and permanent frown on my face and in my heart. Fallow is the breath I breathe in and out. Its as if the streamlined download from the divine heavens is on hold. I seem to getting the same message….“Please hold for the next available download of grace, pure bliss and unlimited joy.” What’s going on up there? God must be on the golf course, and my angels have got to be stoned on heroin somewhere. Here I am, stranded again! Better get the breakdown squad out. Nothing seems to lift this continual inner frown, and this monotonous joyless drone of a feeling from me. It permeates everything. Drenching me like a Monsoon rain. I can feel the mental drip, drip, drip. In everything I do I feel as if I am completely despondent. But I am not really depressed or at least I don’t think I am, and I can usually recognize that chemical based female depression that comes and goes in a girl’s life because I have learned to recognize those hormone fluctuations. Guys will never understand, but I understand it on those days when it looms over me, and I accept that it will pass and it always does. The next day I always wake up and I am somewhere else in my head. Sometimes that’s a good thing. The funk is gone for the moment and on I go with life. But that’s not what this is and I cannot shake it. It’s there every day. It’s hard to force a smile to surface, and I feel as if my dog just died. Tragically, I don't have a dog.

Now, being in the wonderful position that I am in, which if you haven’t been following my blog, I am, 1) in fallow times, 2) painfully unemployed, and 3) very much without a lover. You would think that these three things are the causes of how I feel. And while they do throw some troubles into the brew I know it’s much deeper than that. It’s as if all the disappointments or regrets, bad choices, or experienced injustices have come knocking at the door like a telemarketer. You just want to hang up and ignore it. Inwardly, I am so calm, and practically despondent…still emotionally frozen and becoming all the more part of the big inner freeze I seem to be living in. Outwardly, I am not showing any signs of stress. But go past that veneer of calm and there’s a raging hurricane, a screaming child, and an angry, angry person rattling the cage just beneath the surface. Psychoanalyze that all you want but I don’t feel quite justified. How can I be in such a failing position so much? Could I possibly be in denial? Could I possibly be completely freaked out by my continuing fallow circumstances and not telling myself? Could I just be throwing an adult style tantrum behind closed doors? Well, a little. I know part of it is that I don’t like to be pushed so close to the wall. Squeaking by on the survival scale is not a pleasantry. It takes all the joy away, and you become more and more jaded until finally you just don’t care. I want to tell all my creditors hey, I am peddling as fast as I can here. Treat me like a person, not a numbered sack of coals. I’m a good hard working person who wants to pay their bills. I am not a scammer. But I cannot pay everything all at once. Especially when my income has been greatly reduced.

On one hand, I am wondering where I am going to end up, and if I am going to continue to keep it all together. But what leaks through most of all is not liking where I am now. And I am not a fan of waiting. I think life is too short. You blink and 10 years have passed. I don’t like stagnation…it gathers resentment and robs you of your confidence. I certainly don’t like it when the rug gets pulled out and everything breaks down. It’s so unnecessary so many times, and if it is necessary, I am not seeing the value of it. I now have an “I could care less attitude” about doing the right thing anymore because no matter what I try to do (and haven’t we all been at this point some time in our lives?) I still get lost, I still get in trouble, I still get dumped by job and people alike, I still get in debt, and I still get fucked over. I didn’t think I really felt that way anymore, but boy did it surface back up and swallow me whole with this last episode. People wonder why I have such a bad attitude? Why should I bother to do the right thing? It doesn’t pay off for me in fact, it always backfires.

It’s been a full two months since I was sacked from the job, and now 6 months into the break up and the big move. Being fired just buried me. The financial implications just blasted my world with a Sherman tank. With nothing going on in the job scene, being that it is the middle of summer in my town, there are no viable prospects on the horizon, I feel like I am just doing time, like John Lennon. Waiting for something that will never come. Watching the wheels. Wrestling with patterns I have, demons I recognize, and things I’ve wrenched my guts to try and change but can’t. I could easily be the poster child for Lennon’s poignant song “Working Class Hero.” Off and on the feelings of resentment and anger surface and subside, surface and subside. A lot of it is directed towards the working world out there and what a load of bullshit the majority of it is. I am sure everyone reading this can tell a tale or two of business incompendency that they have had to put up with. Right now though, with this working dilemma, I am beyond the last straw. I am sure a lot of people would say “oh, get over it, its just life” and I would reply “I’ll get over it when it changes” I am sure they would say “you’re the one who can change it” Really? I would say, “Prove it!” And while I know that what you dwell on manifests for you…I cannot dwell on a future that I can’t even imagine having. People have asked me, “well, what do you love?” and “what do you want to do?” To those questions I have no answers. Some of the answers are so far fetched they could never become reality. Some of the answers are branded into my brain. And that slows my progress. At least that’s what I believe. I am obviously within the throws of pessimism, and self-righteously say, “Dam right! Whether or not I am subconsciously punishing myself for something, or sabotaging any success I might be capable of, I don’t know. But I am really, really tired of it! I haven’t figured out the key to this Jumanji puzzle my life is yet, and I will die trying to do so. I go off and on with thinking its funny but I am not laughing and I certainly am not having any fun.